Over Exposure....(not really)

Thursday's class. Remember remember...



Life is speeding up - I can feel the jet engines spinning into action and soon everything is going to turn into a blur outside my window, my centered emotional life fading into tiny dots way below me, ants in a landscape of mileage to cover. Ah, well, or I could more melodramatic.



But seriously I am starting to feel that head-nausea where you realize you're just cramming too much in there at one time. I don't feel particularly stressed, and everything I have going on is exciting and really satisfying. It's just a matter of sheer volume. And I've never been a super organized person...only in certain ways. I'm addicted to my day planner mostly because it is my saving grace against total forgetfulness.

H.I.L.S.A.:
Hilary's Indispensable
Life-Saving
Accompaniment
--------------->

But back to Thursday. My personal style as viewed by my friends: Comfortable. Casual. Practical. ....Yep. And wow - all the M&C gear. I did not expect. But that's cool, I do enjoy wearing it. I'm proud of having designed the t-shirts, and I like feeling like I'm representing the drama society. It's like a jersey. I play for the theatre team, and we're state champs!

I felt challenged by the self-assessment questions. I couldn't answer some of them with any feeling of accuracy. I couldn't remember radically altering my style and things like that. Little things, like acting more tough or sarcastic to impress my boyfriend's friends. And I wasn't sure how personal to get with other questions, although ultimately I decided to share about my mom. At first I felt like the atmosphere was generally sort of flippant and breezy, and it seemed more about layering humor into all of our stories than the truth of the stories themselves. But real things did get shared, and I want the probability of this sharing to increase. I found myself being selective about my memories. I could have said I evaluated my appearance for signs of looking "heavy," every morning, but I chose instead to talk about brushing my teeth, which is also true. Michelle was brave to talk about trying on different outfits and to share about wanting to wear jeans more. I struggle with the same things...is our goal to get at the more sensitive issues, unspoken insecurities, in order to move forward? It is a very vulnerable position, and while there is a lot of trust among the friends in our class, I still feel somewhat held back from being totally exposed.