What Now?

So R&G is over.


Over.


I left Tim's last night feeling kind of shitty...I am terrible at focusing on the many many positives abounding everywhere, and instead I harbor that little nugget of regret in the pit of my stomache - why didn't my aunt, my friend, my BEST friend come see the show? Why don't I feel happier? Will I still see/hang out with/feel consequential in the lives of all those people now that it's over?

I think I have post-partum.

Mostly I feel like summer vacation is ending...or rather, I had a project in front of me for over a year in which I knew the challenges and had clear goals - even if I wasn't sure WHAT they were all the time, I knew what they would feel like when we met them - and now I'm left alone with my own private future beckoning for attention. I could ignore ME when I was working on R&G, but now - what do I need? Where am I going? Suddenly I'm possessed by the real-world-terrors, and I literally spent the morning looking up grad school programs/thinking about what I'm doing with my life. To MFA, not to MFA. And which MFA? PhD? Auditioning? Writing? Starting my own group? Improv? Day jobs? (this blog -> http://theatreideas.blogspot.com/2008/01/my-last-word-on-mfa-programsfor-now.html was really interesting)

So clearly I'm incapable of just relaxing and enjoying my recent success. Luxuriating in the compliments, basking in the glory and pride in my cast, and taking a break. .... .... .... I'm bored.

On to Moliere...and the two big scenes and one extra part I picked out for myself. Good lord, that's a lot of yellow highlighter. I feel greedy - I didn't realize how much I was getting into. But rhyming fun and wonderful corsetted whimsy away!